Comming to Arkansas

From City Girl to
Country Girl

Fall 1998

As I leaned on the sandbags,watching the road on the other side of the trees, I saw the old pick-up. It was moving erratically and the camper shell was open in the back. Then I saw the weapons sticking out of the windows, like a bunch of Mid Western dove
hunters.

At that time I knew that all ofthe training we had received was going to be tested. Someone sounded the alarmand the whole group of us prepared for the oncoming assault. I adjusted my bulletproof vest and my Kevlar helmet and then took a defensive stance as I
released the safety on my M-16. The guys in the truck started firing their
weapons at us and we proceeded to return fire. I remembered how the range
instructor told us to fire in short bursts, 3 to 4 rounds at a time. As I squeezed
of the short bursts I felt a rush of excitement. Soon the truck disappeared up
the road and everything returned to a level that we called normal.

This short combat scenario was being carried out at a small base in central Wisconsin. Fortunately, for all of the participants the weapons were loaded with blank ammunition. The Air Force calls these sessions an Operational Ready Exercise. It is a practice operation to prepare us for the Operational Ready Inspection. Besides the flak jackets and
Kevlar helmets, we wore full chemical protective gear. This consisted of a very
thick, and consequently hot, pants and jacket along with heavy rubber gloves
and boots. When the alarm goes off for a chemical attack we get to don a
protective mask with a thin rubber hood attached. All of this gear was pretty
warm, even though it was only early June in Wisconsin. We were practicing for the ORI
that was scheduled for mid August in Mississippi.

As I reset the safety on my weapon, I told my supervisor, standing next to me, that I was getting too old for this kind of thing. I also realized, at that time, that I really did not want to experience Mississippi in a Chemical suit in the middle of August. I had earlier learned of a way to retire early from the Air Force and my Civil Service job, so I decided to
follow-up on that option.

This meant that we would have to leave Colorado Springs, since the cost of living was too high for our fixed income. We had previously been looking at possible retirement areas, so we had some good options.

During that spring, I found that I was not the only cross dresser in the world also. I had started attending a TG support group in Colorado Springs and was starting to get to know Jamie Renae better. Since I no longer had to worry about my security clearance affecting my job, I was much more comfortable getting out around town, while dressed as Jamie.

I got to know several ladies of the group and we were having some really fun meetings. When my wife and I decided that we would move to Arkansas, for retirement, there were lots of “I am so sorry that you have to go live in Arkansas”. I did not know what faced us there either.

When we went to visit and look for a place to live we found that the North
West section of the state was very scenic. We found a small unimproved acreage and purchased it. After we returned to Colorado we continued to receive the “Arkie” comments. I was apprehensive anyway, so the comments tended to aggravate the situation. I was afraid that I was going to lose some of my new-found freedom.

It took us all of the summer and most of the fall before we cleaned up all of our responsibilities in Colorado. With the house sold and goodbyes said we packed up our belongings and moved them to the Fayetteville Arkansas area. It was mid November and we had cleared enough of our land to park our motor home at the front so that we had a place to live. Everything else was in storage, so Jamie had a very small wardrobe available. It turned out that Jim was so busy clearing more brush and working on the new house construction that Jamie was pretty well-kept inside. It was almost a year before the house was finished and we moved in. At that time my wife and I had found part-time jobs to help
augment our retirement income and purchase appliances and other large items for
the house. It was also a time that Jamie could become more active.

I had built a website and had been conversing with other Sisters in the area already, so when I found the time to venture into the public once again I had a friend to go with. She was a cross dresser, with the same priorities that I had. We both just wanted to get out,
as women, and enjoy ourselves. I have to admit that I was very apprehensive as
I drove out of my driveway, dressed as a woman, in Arkansas. I soon realized the same thing I had discovered in Colorado.
Driving down the road, people don’t have time to look and discover that you are
a guy in a dress. Now, getting out of the car was a different story. My first
visit was to a local, gay, drag club. I got there after dark and had no
problems with the patrons in the club. I had met Trixie outside and we walked
in together. After that night I became more and more confidant that I could
visit the Gay bars and stay relatively secure. I did learn what most women have
had to learn over the years. I started to park in a well-lit parking lot and
always had my keys ready. I was able to recall some of my military experience
of keeping aware of my surroundings too.

As time went on I got more and more comfortable with letting Jamie get out in public. I guess the biggest advance was that winter. I decided to let Jamie do the Christmas shopping. I had been out on short trips and was pretty confident, but a Saturday morning at the Mall was going to be a challenge. I got the car parked and entered Dillard’s through
my favorite side entrance. I had been browsing the sale racks for some time,
when I approached the women’s fitting room. Sitting in the “husband’s” chair
was a coworker. He looked straight through me and I just kept moving through
the racks. I continued on with my shopping and had a great time. It was
actually a first in other ways. This was the first time I was dressed as Jamie
and was shopping for clothes in the Men’s department. Talk about foreign!!!

The day ended and I was home safely. In retrospect I came to realize that I was not going to be recognized when I was out en femme. This gave me an added confidence. I started to get out to other places of business dressed. I work part-time so I have Fridays
off.  I often use this time to go to town and get whatever I need to get done, from visiting local department stores to home improvement centers.

On one evening, during this time, I had been to the drag club and had driven our newly purchased car. Arkansas had a 30 day grace period to enable you to drive a vehicle without license plates, during the title process. All you have is the registration receipt. I left the
club around 1:00 am and drove home. Since I don’t drink and drive, especially in girl mode, I was just driving carefully. As I drove through the small town I live in a local police
officer evidently noticed my lack of license plate. He followed me for a short
distance and then his lights came on. I thought to myself, this is going to get
interesting. I pulled over and turned on my interior lights. I got my license
and homemade TG ID card out of my purse. With the window lowered, I greeted the
officer. He asked for my license, insurance and registration. I gave it all to
him as well as my TG ID card. He took the collection back to his patrol car. He
returned shortly with all of my papers and said that he just wanted to verify
my registration. His curiosity in that subject was satisfied. As he handed my
papers back he commented that the extra ID was a big help, that he would not
have recognized me otherwise. I thanked him and said goodnight. We parted ways
and I felt a great relief!!! This was what I had feared most about being in
this part of the Country. I was very pleasantly surprised with the actions of
the officer. He was courteous and very professional. I was starting to feel
much more comfortable living in this area.

Since that time I have started to get out in public with much more confidence and comfort. I had another run in with law enforcement, concerning an inoperable headlight. This was in a different small town, but the experience was very similar. Jamie was treated
with respect and courtesy.

I am currently involved with many facets of Transgender support, so I am often in Fayetteville talking with hotel managers, restaurant personnel, and all kinds if sales people. With each of these, I have had nothing but positive treatment and feedback from everyone I have dealt with. I do admit that I notice some people reacting as I am walking in the Mall or in a restaurant, but I have never been subjected to any kind of negative
comments or actions. I do feel that a look of confidence, the proper outfit and
a big smile go a long way to let us blend in with the rest of the world.

Some time ago I came to the realization that this area, North West Arkansas, has a very free thinking and open-minded population. I feel that it is due to the University being here as well as the basic concept of ‘you do your thing and I’ll do mine” of the rural
population that is all around. I know that there are places that would be
hazardous to go to, but you can find those everywhere.

In retrospect; I can feel comfortable in visiting my friends in Colorado
and telling them that they were in error with their comments. I have found
North West Arkansas to be a very friendly, as well as beautiful, place to live.

This was written several years ago.
Since then Jamie has blossomed and is very active in the local community.

Trans etiquette

How to Respect a Transgender Person

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

If you have recently learned of a transgender person in your life, you might not understand their identity and you may be unsure of how to act around them without offending or hurting their feelings. The term “transgender person” in this article means a person who does not fully identify with the gender they were assigned with at birth. There are transgender people all over the world (e.g. US, Mexico,[1] India[2]) and in a wide variety of cultures (e.g. Native American,[3] Thai[4]). For such people, it is not always easy to explain their gender situation in today’s society. Here’s how to understand and respect someone who challenges your ideas about gender, and who does not easily fall within the category of “male” or “female”.

Steps

1. Thank them. It is very hard to come out to people as transgender. They trust and/or respect you very much to have come out to you. Thank them for trusting you; it will mean a lot to them, because you mean a lot to them.
2. Respect their gender identity. Think of them as the gender they refer to themselves as and refer to them with their chosen name and gender pronoun (regardless of their physical appearance) from now on. (Unless they are not out, or tell you otherwise. Ask to be sure if or when there are times it is not okay.)
3. Watch your past tense. When talking of the past don’t use phrases like “when you were a previous gender” or “born a man/woman,” because many transgender people feel they have always been the gender they have come out to you as, but had to hide it for whatever reasons. Ask the transgender person how they would like to be referred to in the past tense. One solution is to avoid referencing gender when talking about the past by using other frames of reference, for instance “Last year”, “When you were a child”, “When you were in high school”, etc. If you must reference the gender transition when talking about the past, say “before you came out as current gender“, or “Before you began transitioning” (if applicable).
4. Use language appropriate to the person’s gender. Ask what pronouns the transgender person prefers to have used in reference to them and respect that choice. For example, someone who identifies as a woman may prefer feminine words and pronouns like she, her, actress, waitress, etc. A person who identifies as a man may prefer masculine terms like he, his, etc. Other transgender people may prefer that you avoid the use of “gendered” language by using gender neutral pronouns such as ze, zir, sie, hir, etc.[5] Use the name they ask you to use.
   • Your friend Jack has just come out as a transgender person, and now wishes to be called Mary. From this point on, you do not say “This is my friend Jack, I’ve known him since grade school.” Instead, you say, “This is my friend Mary, I’ve known her since grade school.” Table any awkwardness you feel for another time when you and Mary can talk privately. Definitely, if you want to remain friends, you will need to respect Mary’s wishes and address her as who she is today, not the person you used to know.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask. Many transgender people will be happy to answer most questions, and glad you are taking an interest in their life. Don’t expect the transgender person to be your sole educator. It is your responsibility to inform yourself. Exception: questions about genitalia, surgeries, and former names should usually only be asked if you need to know in order to provide medical care, are in a sexual relationship with the transgender person, or need the former name for legal documentation.
6. Respect the transgender person’s need for privacy. Do not out them without express permission. Telling people you are transgender is a very difficult decision, not made lightly. “Outing” them without their permission is a betrayal of trust and could possibly cost you your relationship with them. It may also put them at risk, depending on the situation, of losing a lot – or even being harmed. They will tell those they want to, if or when they are ready. This advice is appropriate for those who are living full-time or those who have not transitioned yet. For those living full-time in their proper gender role, very many will not want anyone who did not know them from before they transitioned to know them as any other than their current, i.e. proper, gender.
7. Don’t assume what the person’s experience is. There are many different ways in which differences in gender identity are expressed. The idea of being “trapped in a man/woman’s body”, the belief that trans women are hyperfeminine/trans men are hypermasculine, and the belief that all trans people will seek hormones and surgery are all stereotypes that apply to some people and not to others. Be guided by what the person tells you about their own situation, and listen without preconceived notions. Do not impose theories you may have learned, or assume that the experience of other trans people you may know or have heard of is the same as that of the person in front of you. Don’t assume that they are transitioning because of past trauma in their lives, or that they are changing genders as a way to escape from their bodies.
8. Recognize the difference between gender identity and sexuality. Do not assume that their gender correlates with their sexuality – it doesn’t. There are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and asexual transgender people, just as there are cisgender (the “c” in “cisgender” is pronounced “s”; cisgender means non-transgender) people of all orientations. If the person comes out to you about their sexual orientation, use the terms they use.
9. Treat them the same. While they may appreciate your extra attention to them, they don’t particularly appreciate you making a big deal of them. After you are well-informed, make sure you’re not going overboard. Transgender people have essentially the same personalities as they did before coming out. Treat them as you would anybody else.

Video

Tips

• This condition is known medically as Gender Identity Disorder, but there is much contention about this issue. Some believe the problem lies in society’s refusal to acknowledge the variations of sex and gender present in nature (including human beings).
• Asking about peoples’ genitals and how they have sex is not appropriate, in the same way that asking cisgendered (people born in the sex they identify as) people how they have sex is not appropriate.
• It’s rude to ask what their “real” name or birth name was — they consider the name they have chosen to suit their gender (if they have done so) to be their real name, and they want you to think of them that way. Asking about past names only puts them on the spot, and you don’t need to know it.
• Everyone is different and most transgender people will be glad to answer any questions – but if they are uncomfortable answering, or don’t want to, then let it go. If you need to know, use the resources below.
• Not all transgender people get a complete physical transition (It’s a better term than “sex change”. Another word for it is SRS, or Sexual Reassignment Surgery or gender confirmation surgery), so don’t automatically think that is the plan. Don’t assume that it’s appropriate to ask about a person’s plans for surgery, hormones, and so forth, any more than you would pry into someone else’s medical affairs.
• If you slip up early on and say “she” or “he” when you meant the other, don’t apologize too much, just follow the mistake with the right term and continue what you were saying.
• There is no “cure” for being transgender, except to correct the physical appearance to match the mental gender identity. There is a problem with the body, not the mind.
• Websites like PlanetOut or MySpace have transgender groups, or other sections for transgender people; go to them to talk to people or learn more.

Warnings

• Be careful when referring to transgenderness as a “choice”. Gender Dysphoria is certainly not a choice by its very definition[6], but some other categories of transgenderedness are a choice by definition. If you want to respect transgender people, it’s not helpful to treat their situation as a choice if it is not.
• Do not compare them to a non-transgender person by calling that person a “real” or “normal” girl/boy. What makes a man a “real” man or a woman a “real” woman is their mind/brain, not their body. A transman is no less a real man and a transwoman is no less a real woman; the only difference is that their body does not match their gender.
• Never tell them that people will not understand or love them because they were not born the right gender outside. It hurts very badly, and is not true. Many, if not most, transgender people are understood, accepted and loved.
• Even if you have objections to transgenderedness, you should always respect the person and never willfully embarrass them publicly. Embarrassing or humiliating the person does no good for anyone.
• Avoid the use of pornography industry phrases like “tranny” and “shemale.” These terms are considered very offensive, as they imply a connection between the person you are talking to and pornography. Also avoid mainstream heteronormative terms like “he-she.”
• “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with reproductive and/or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male, [7] While some intersex people are also transgender, the two are not the same and should not be conflated. [8]

Related wikiHows

• How to Accept That Someone Close to You Is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender
• How to Come to Terms With Being Transgender As a Teen
• How to Have Respect for Yourself
• How to Observe the Day of Silence
• How to Be Respectful of Your Family
• How to Date a Bisexual Person
• How to Come out As Transgender
• How to Know if You Are Transsexual

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muxe
2. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijra_%28South_Asia%29
3. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winkte
4. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathoey
5. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun#New_pronouns_in_English
6. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transsexuality#Gender_dysphoria
7. ↑ http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex
8. ↑ http://www.survivorproject.org/is-intro.html

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Respect a Transgender Person. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Introduction

I go by Jamie Renae. Several people, reading this blog may have met me. I am going to be posting Transgender information and other interesting information concerning the Transgender community.
I will also, from time to time, add some of my personal experiences, to show that a trans person can function in public with no problems.
I am participating in the Center’s Peer Group on Sunday evenings, so come visit us there.

Thanks for your interest,
Jamie R